This is probably the trillionth time I’ve attempted to write this post. I have no idea where to start or how to find the words to capture all that’s in my heart.
My husband recently accepted a job transfer in Idaho. So, a few days ago we packed up our life in California, loaded it all into a U-Haul and made the long 13 hour drive with parents, dogs, and kiddos in tow.
This past week has been one of the most hard and exhausting times I can remember – physically and even more, emotionally.
I was born and raised in my little hometown in Humboldt County. It holds the depths and expanse of my roots – many of which can never and will never be displaced. So many memories; some better than others, but I will forever cherish them all.
Memories of my childhood; memories of meeting my husband – our first date – our wedding; memories of the early days of raising my babies, memories of those early years of beginning my relationship with the Lord; joy and laughter, tears and sorrow, trial and testing, growing and flourishing.
At the source of all this remembrance is something that has been so imperative and influential in shaping the person that I have become.
The people. The relationships.
After 31 years, the Lord has bound so many bonds with so many people that I will hold dear forever. Bonds that will never be broken. Friendships that no amount of distance can separate. People that have made an eternal impact in my life and who I will always treasure and admire.
These are the ones that made saying goodbye so incredibly hard.
My husband moved about a month before the kids and I so he could start working.
The emotions I felt during this period are probably the hardest to convey. There was an excitement yet sadness; adventure yet timidity; longing yet aching; peace yet turmoil.
I felt like my heart was in two places at once; one foot through the door while the other hesitant to take the step. I was stuck in the middle between letting go and embracing the new – I didn’t want to do either.
And yet, the reality of a major alteration to the fabric of my life was slowly beginning to unfold.
The certainty of change came in waves – each one slowly building upon the previous. They came in different forms. One was a goodbye letter written to me by a boy in my church, another in the form a final meal spent with some dear friends, another in the form of my walking out of the church office for my last day of work. Small moments all increasing the truth that change was approaching.
It wasn’t until a couple days before the move that the weight of reality sank. My friends had a going away party for me, and then came over the next day to help us pack up the truck.
The hugs lingered. Tears flowed freely.
Time for saying goodbye had come. Time to, in many ways, let go. I’m still struggling, but God has and is continuing to extend His grace.
Now that I am here, I feel like He is telling me that it is time to embrace. Embrace the adventure. Embrace the season. Embrace the new. Embrace the work and the relationships He has prepared for us here.
I could go on and on about how good He has been through this process – but, that is for another post. 🙂
To all my dear friends back in Humboldt – I miss you and love you all so much. I am forever grateful for all the ways you have poured into me and allowed me to pour myself into you. You will forever be part of my life’s epistle. See ya soon!