I exhale a breath of disappointment as I hang up the phone canceling our reservation for our anniversary getaway, knowing that I just exchanged a weekend away, alone with my husband for a weekend of nursing fevers, snotty noses and sleepless nights.
There are moments I feel like I’m a captive vessel in the raging sea of exhaustion.
Somber hums of sick children resonate in the air while whirlwinds of toys, tissues, laundry, sippy-cups, spilled oatmeal, fish crackers and “mommy, I need yous” spin relentlessly, colliding together to make a huge havoc of a wreckage.
However, among the chaos of the turbulence is a curious contentment.
There is a symmetry in the disarray…
there is a sweetness in the neediness…
there is an abiding strength in the waves of weariness…
there is a joy implanted in the seed of disappointment.
I grieve having to suspend this rare occasion of time away with my husband – yet, I rejoice in the sacrifice.
I rejoice in knowing that this offering I lay on the altar of motherhood rises to become a pleasing and satisfying aroma for Him.
As moms, we sacrifice much for our precious families.
We put our careers on hold.
We lay aside our other passions and dreams.
We endure night after night of restlessness.
We trade in our gym membership for stretch marks.
We restrain our shifting current of emotions.
We surrender moments of intimacy with our beloved husbands.
We forfeit a vibrant social life for baby babbles and toddler talk.
It’s a perpetual emptying, an incessant surrendering, a ceaseless giving.
Many times, these sacrifices are covered with tears of heartache; with cries for wisdom; with pleads for mercy; with the surrendering of understanding; with the sense that its all in futility.
We give ourselves in ways we think nobody else sees and nobody could possibly understand.
But He sees. And He understands.
He sees our hearts laid out and bare. He sees into places of our motive and desire where we lack vision and comprehension. He knows our sacrifice, and each time we give ourselves, each time we bow our will for the sake of ministering to our children – it is regarded to Him as worship.
Therefore, we can approach this altar with joy.
I know the day is coming soon when I will look back on this day with longing. Longing to just hold this brief moment once again. Longing for the snuggles, for the hugs, for the sweet hums of needy children whispering their “mommy, I want yous”.
I pray the Lord extends His strength and ability for my heart to grasp onto and treasure these fleeting moments of sacrifice and not let go.