There’s a really sweet girl in this great blogosphere world that I’ve bee able to connect with over the past few months. Recently, one of her posts went viral – VI!!! RAL!!!! She is an amazing, genuine and passionate writer and it’s been exciting to see it all happen for her!
However, blogging has become one of my passions .. so, if I’m going to be completely honest with myself, I must admit that there has been a stream of jealousy flowing through my mind. One that ripples with thoughts of “But I want…”, “I wish…”, “Why can’t I have…”.
Jealousy is a hard emotion to accept possession of. I don’t like it. It’s not a good feeling to feel. And I definitely don’t want others aware I’m dealing with it. So alongside it there is usually an undercurrent of pride that relentlessly attempts to drown it out with persuading whispers of “You’re not really jealous..” “Just pretend it’s not there and it will go away..”.
As I have already learned many times – suppressing emotions means that they will almost always find their way back to haunt me.
We all have passions and desires. We all have ways that we want the Lord to use us..
Maybe it’s leading worship.
maybe being a pastor.
maybe a writer
a motivational speaker
Jealousy can pierce our hearts so easily and covertly when we see others around us excel in the areas in which we long to shine.
This, I believe (like so many other things) comes back to that infamous friend of ours. Fear. It speaks in it’s voice of doubt, condemnation and anxiety – that we will be forgotten, replaced, overlooked and unseen in the dust of others success.
We could very easily attribute this to wrong motives, ego, seeking our own glory.. which maybe very true!! We gotta allow the Holy Spirit to search that out in us. But I think that is an explanation we have heard a thousand times..we know that our motives need to be to bring God glory, right!?! And hopefully we are asking the Holy Spirit to help us abide in and apprehend this understanding.
But, let’s face it – we still battle with jealousy!! Especially us women!!
Instead of this stemming from an issue of wrong motive, I would suggest that it’s rooted in something deeper.
It’s an issue of mistaken identity.
I was reading in John 13 the other day and came across this passage.
3 Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going back to God, 4 rose from supper. He laid aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. 5 Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him. – John 13:3-5
Jesus knew who He was and where He was going. He was completely confident in the security of his identity and the security of His future. Therefore, He – the Son of God was able to humble himself to assume the position of a servant and wash His disciples feet.
He did this as an example to us.
I believe there is a principle we can take away from this:
We are not able to truly consider others above ourselves until we know… we know!!… we KNOW!! in our heads, in our hearts and in our spirit WHO WE ARE and the HOPE of OUR FUTURE!
When those feeling of jealousy rise in me, the best thing I can do is to first confess it, then remind myself of truth…
… I belong to God, the Creator of heaven and earth; that I am loved by Him and that my future lies with Him, a future that will never spoil or fade; He has a plan and a purpose for me which is unique from anyone else – a plan to bring about His purpose and will. If I trust Him, He will fill my life with excitement, adventure and joy as He uses me according to the dreams He has placed in my heart.
The moments that I am able to rejoice with the people around me as God uses them in the ways I long Him to use me, without jealousy – this is a good indicator that I am truly secure in my identity in Christ.