It started when I was in Jr. High. One of my good friends had started losing a lot of weight really fast. When I asked her how she had been doing it, she replied “follow me”. She then took me into the bathroom and showed me how to…well, ya know. I then tried, and success.
Little did I know that was the beginning of an addiction that would consume nearly every area of my life. My time, friendships, emotions, energy.
Through most of my Jr. High, and a portion of my High School years, this was my obsession. The way for me to feel like I fit the worlds beauty mold.
I would like to say that once I became a Christian after High School the bulimia went away, but it didn’t.. that once I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, my sense of identity and value in Him came rushing in like a title wave…
After I began my walk with the Lord, the bulimia came back. This is when battle begun. My flesh and the Spirit were waging a mighty war within me.
Previously, I didn’t have the Holy Spirit dwelling inside convicting me of sin, but now I did. Even though I was not willing to admit it at the time, this was stealing the life that my Lord and Savior died to give me. A life of peace, joy, love and freedom.
Not many people knew. I hid it very well. I was very involved in the worship team at church…I was working at church! I kept myself busy with the motions. It wasn’t until a good friend caught word that something was going on that a change happened. He was not afraid to speak truth to me. Told me I was living in sin and needed to repent.
I did. The battle was won.
That’s not to say that there was no longer any temptation, but I was better equipped to fight it, knowing ‘who’ it was coming from. Today, after multiple victories over the enemies efforts to bring me back under this bondage, I stand in freedom.
So with this, there are four different things the Lord taught me.
#1 Even as Christians, we are never far from sin.
#2 In our sin, we are never far from forgiveness.
#3 Be bold in relationships. Don’t assume a person is strong in their relationship with the Lord based upon the motions they go through. Get real and invade each others lives.
#4 The world does not define true beauty. I’m still learning how to keep this in my heart and not just my head.
Other than my salvation, this is one of the greatest stories of God’s grace my life has journeyed. Was it hard? Was it painful? yes!
Was God there with me? Did He walk with me through it? Did He provide His abundant strength to overcome? Did he cause spiritual growth and maturity? Did He use this for my good? To cling to Him in ways that I had yet to? To cause me to trust Him? To show me how much He loves me and cares about the little intimate details of my life?
…a big resounding YES!!!
He is good! He is faithful! He is worthy!